plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
