i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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