There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
