what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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