I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
