I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
