I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
