This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
