he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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