I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
