Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
