Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
