If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
