The best revenge is premature balding
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
