I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
