it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
