Little spoons don't ask big questions
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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