guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
