i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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