found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
where does the pee come out of this thing
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
