it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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