Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
