i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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