dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
