the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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