shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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