What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
