You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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