Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
