his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
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I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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