Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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