and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just blew my weed a kiss
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
