i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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