the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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