my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
