I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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