we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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