Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
