I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
