please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
