When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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