I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
