I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this will be a night to untag.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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