Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
