that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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