I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
