We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
