Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something