Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
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I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS