The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
