She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
