When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize
