Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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