The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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