I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
