We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
