im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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