you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
