dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
