You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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