So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
