But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
