i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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