Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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