An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
