Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
