I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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