We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
