Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
