we're blogging at a bar
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
