Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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