is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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