I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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