I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
