we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
