What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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