TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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