My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
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im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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