Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
