A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
