She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
