do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
