Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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