There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
