You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
