I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
