At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
