EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
